Recently I wrote a post about canceling my whole life insurance, and one of the selling points of the insurance was about getting money to my family right away so they could pay my "final expenses". That started me thinking about another area to be frugal: my funeral. If I'm going to have a frugal funeral then I don't need to waste a bunch of money paying for glorified funeral insurance.
If you're really frugal then you don't need a fancy funeral and your family should know it. Forearmed with that knowledge they can go the funeral home and fend off the guilt trip about showing their love one last time by buying the Cadillac coffin with all the extras: viewing, programs, flowers, staff to man the doors, etc.
My dad's funeral as an example of the frugal funeral:
My father died just over two years ago, and his funeral only cost a couple thousand. When he died my parents were up to their eyeballs in credit card debt and a pricey funeral would have put my mom over the edge. Fortunately, my father had no interest in fancy things. He grew up really poor and never got past the idea of having a mostly frill-free life (mom was the spender).
Does the choice of funeral home affect cost? I don't know. We just went to the one that advertised in the free church calendars. My mom and I had already been there on an 8th grade class field trip so there was some comfortable familiarity. (Yes, my school went on a field trip to the funeral home. We even got to see the embalming tables.) Knowing my dad didn't care about a fancy display, we were able to go right into the funeral home, choose the inexpensive cremation package, and be done with it.
Aside from the cremation costs, the expenses were minimal. Mr. K and I made the programs and prayer cards ourselves, one of my sisters made a photo collage of my dad's life to display, my other sister bought a fabric covered journal book for guests to sign, and the church was already bedecked with flowers for Christmas which was decoration enough. I baked cakes from scratch and we hosted the wake at home. The pastor of our church knew my dad well and gave a beautiful sermon. I know my dad would have been pleased by what we did, he liked home made stuff and gifts of time rather than money.
Caveat to not saving money for a funeral: The only reason I can see for wanting to have a bunch of money for a funeral is to give to relatives to defray their travel cost. Instead of that, how about getting together while everyone is alive? Isn't that better?
On an environmental note: Not getting embalmed saves money and the environment. Embalming chemicals are pretty nasty, are they the last contribution you want to make to the Earth?
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5 hours ago
What a morbid way to start the morning. I really hadn't thought of it. More importantly I should find out my parents wishes, they are in their mid 50's. I know they want to be cremated, but what sort of service I don't know. I'm sorry you have had to make those decisions:(
ReplyDeleteI think this is something more people should be talking about. I have 5 very close friends and we have been starting to talk about this more and more - not to be morbid, but to make sure that we all understand each other's wishes and that they are followed. For example, my friend has a favorite song she wants played - but no one knew about it. That isn't the kind of thing you put in a will. Funerals are like weddings, so easy to blow them far out of proportion. I think talking about them early and making frugal decisions when you aren't wracked with grief is the way to go. I wish we had done that before my father passed away.
ReplyDeleteBut on the other hand, funerals in the US and West are a rather straightforward, linear affair. Person dies, you grieve, bury your dead, and move on.
ReplyDeleteIn Taiwan, funerals are a little more complicated: you die, you grieve, and monks come to your house for seven days to make sure the spirits of the dead don't invade it, and then you have to pick an auspicious day for the burial (which could be months later) and then...
Point being that sometimes it's not about having a "good show", but about honoring religious beliefs and/or customs and traditions that you belong to. These things aren't just about the money.
@Jules - Of course, I am not suggesting that all cultural considerations be thrown out the window in the name of saving a buck, and I can really only speak about my own cultural perspective. My point was that the funeral is about grieving, and I think people often get pressured into spending a lot of money on funerals because if they don't it is as if they did not love the deceased person. A funeral with fancy casket and a viewing at the funeral home and hired attendants, flowers, etc can easily cost $15,000. I wouldn't want anyone to feel obligated to spend that much money mourning me, I would rather they did something simple that was meaningful for them. Actually, if I wanted an extravagant funeral I would set the money aside while I was alive so that no one would have to go into debt to pay for it.
ReplyDeleteMy other point was to think ahead and let your loved ones know your wishes so they can act with confidence when making decisions.
Yes, these things are not about the money, but money is a part of it as it is with so many things.