Thanks for the comments to my last post about what to do with the big tax refund I inadvertently set myself up for. I have a couple weeks to think before I get the Fed money and who knows when I'll see money from the broke state of California. I may decide to just hold on to the Fed money until California pays me and think about it.
Dog Ate My Finances had this interesting post about merging money with a significant other. Funny she should post about that as I was drafting a post about a related topic: How to cope when one of you is a saver and the other is a spender?
I don't have a definitive answer to that; it's a thorny problem that has no doubt doomed many a relationship. The solutions will vary between couples but no matter what they should be grounded in each person having respect for the other. We all came to our current financial habits through life experiences that have shaped us and are tied to emotions. Getting to the bottom of our reasons for why we spend/save the way we do may help us to understand each other and find common ground where we can meet. It is easy for the saver to feel like she has the moral high ground but nobody likes to be condescended to by the self-righteous. On the other hand, a caring partner does not let her S.O. ride his financial horse off a cliff.
Here is my situation: I used to have a spending problem; I accumulated lots of consumer debt in addition to my student loans. When I finally decided to break free of my debt I went at it with a vengeance, working a second job and holding off on major purchases and elaborate vacations. Now I live below my means and am saving for the things I want: comfortable retirement, my next car, a vacation, a new wardrobe, etc. I put most of my extra money towards savings and paying off my mortgage early.
Mr. K isn't much of a saver except for his 401(k). We have a joint account for paying utilities and common bills but otherwise keep our money separate. He has a checking account only, no savings. He would like to eventually buy some property and build us a house but he can't afford it because he doesn't have enough money set aside. I would like to encourage him to open a savings account and stash some money away so that when he spends the money in his checking it won't be everything he has. I don't want to run his life but I think he'll be sad eventually when he realizes that he wasted a lot of life and money on things that aren't important in the long run and has less to show for it than he hoped. I know I felt bad about all the time, money and energy I wasted on buying and paying for junk instead of doing things with my life that I feel proud of; I don't want him to go through that.
If I had my way, Mr. K would be on a strict budget, putting money in savings, paying off debt, and no more spending. He would plan for major purchases in advance and not make any until he is debt free. There is no way this is going to happen. Besides, I don't think I would even want to control him like that. I would like him to take the tiny step of opening a savings. I think that when he sees it start to grow he will want to save more and he won't spend as much. Then someday he'll have the money so we can get his dream land in the mountains.
Doublecheck your old books for poisons
2 days ago
Mr M and I do not have combined finances for several reasons, the difference in our spending habits being one of them. But we have discussed how we will merge and while the plan is perhaps unequal, Mr M is the one who wants it that way. We'll do a his, hers, ours setup where I manage the money. He'll basically get an allowance to spend on whatever, no questions asked. He has no interest in seeing that the bills are paid or where the money is going to. I'll have to figure out the savings, investments etc. I might keep my individual savings and investments but stop contributing. I'd open joint savings, checking and investments for us so he'd have an equal share. If I were to give him half our money and expect him to manage it, I'd only end up disappointed. He acknowledges that he would run us into the ground and that he knows I'll work to ensure a comfortable future. I think couples can handle their money however they want, as long as both partners are happy with the arrangement.
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